


Getting to Know You

by Rabble Rouser (harmony_bites)



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Gen, Getting to know you, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-04-01
Updated: 2000-04-03
Packaged: 2018-01-09 01:45:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1139981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harmony_bites/pseuds/Rabble%20Rouser
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The "Getting to Know Yous" were started by fiendish co-conspirators Jungle Kitty and Wildcat on alt.startrek.creative.erotica. moderated. Mine are rather mild compared to some of the howlers that were created, with various authors taking on lots of the characters in all four Trek series (including even a Tribble and Data’s cat Spot). Sadly, I can no longer find those by others online.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Getting to Know: Janice Rand

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: (c) 2000 Rabble Rouser/Harmony_bites. All rights reserved. This work may not be archived, reproduced, or distributed in any format without prior written permission from the author. This is an amateur nonprofit work, and is not intended to infringe on copyrights held by Paramount or any other lawful holder.
> 
> Written as Rabble Rouser.

**GETTING TO KNOW — JANICE RAND**

 

**NAME:** Janice Antoinette Rand

**SEX:** Too much woman to ignore.

**HOME:** Brooklyn, NY Yeah, you gonna make something of dat?

**HEIGHT** : 5'7'in high heels but I don't wear them anymore because it makes the captain uncomfortable that it makes me taller than him.

**EYES:** Beautiful Baby Blue

**HAIR** : Golden tresses in a honeyed beehive do.

**WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE TV SHOW?:** _As the Galaxy Swirls_.

**WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?:** “How to trap the man of your dreams.” Well that’s what I’m reading on my PADD.

**FAVOURITE MAGAZINE:** _Cosmo_

**FAVOURITE SMELL:** Charlie’s Perfume.

**WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD:** Being groped by that wolf. T-rex as lounge lizard. Yuch.

**BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD:** Being in a clutch with the captain—even if takes the near destruction of the ship to get him to do it.

**THINGS TO DO ON THE WEEKENDS:** Paint my nails pink.

**FAVOURITE SOUNDTRACK:** Madona’s “Blonde Ambition.”

**WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OF WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING?:** How do I get the captain to notice my legs?

**DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS?:** Only when I have my period.

**ROLLER COASTERS DEADLY OR EXCITING?:** That depends? Can I have the captain ride it with me so I can have an excuse to grab onto him?

**PEN OR PENCIL?:** A quill pen—like Marie Antoinette.

**HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?:** Hey that’s Nyota’s job not mine—don’t I have enough to do getting coffee?

**FAVOURITE FOODS:** Anything salty

**DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?:** No—mom doesn’t understand why I don't come home and find a good man to marry.

**HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME?:** Well er...there was that wild shoreleave—but that was Chris’ and Nyota’s fault! I'll never forget the embarrassment of having the captain bail us out.

**CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?:** Chocolate—especially Chocolate Swirl—I don’t do Vanilla.

**CROUTONS OR BACON BITS?:** Croutons—it sounds so French.

**DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?:** No—I prefer to sit in the backseat—in fact I prefer the driver to sit in the backseat too.

**DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS?:** All right Nyota—was it you who told them about the teddy bear?

**IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY KIND OF PET, WHAT WOULD IT BE?:** Toy Poodle.

**IF YOU COULD BE ANY TYPE OF ANIMAL WHAT WOULD YOU BE?:** Growl. A sex kitten.

**THUNDERSTORMS, COOL OR SCARY?:** Cool—I'm not the one who says “I’m frightened Captain” at the drop of a hat. Ouch. Uhura that hurt!

**IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?:** Cleopatra—the woman knew how to get her man.

**FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK** : Shirley Temples.

**WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?:** Virgo, of course.

**EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?:** I don't eat broccoli.

**GIRLS—WOULD YOU EVER ASK A GUY FOR HIS SHIRT?:** I don’t have to ask. Kirk often takes his shirt off without my having to. Purrrrrr

**IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?:** Not—this one. Believe it or not I’m not a bimbo.

**IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOUR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?:** How do you think it got this way in the first place?

**IF YOU COULD HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT AND WHERE WOULD IT BE?:** Well...I have a string of rose petals tattooed right now around my ankle. Stop kicking Nyota—it’s not true I got “Janice loves Jim” tattooed there!

**HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?:** Don’t Ask.

**DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING:** Well...Jim Kirk is bound and gagged beside me so he doesn’t have any choice and...

**WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?:** My paintings. There is more to my art than my elaborate hairdos.

**IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?:** Half full. Someday I’m gonna get’m.

**WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SNAPPLE?:** Mango Passion.

**ARE YOU A RIGHTY, LEFTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS?:** Lefty—a sign of creativity.

**DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?:** Of course? What do you expect of a glorified galaxy hoping secretary?

**IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?:** A water sprinkler.

**WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?:** Wouldn’t you like to know?

**WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE NUMBER?:** All of them.

**WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?:** I never needed one. I always could stop traffic and hitch a ride whenever I wanted. Besides since the days of the 20th Century who ever heard of a New Yorker needing a car?

**WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR?:** _Galileo_

**FAVOURITE SPORT TO WATCH?:** Wrestling.

**SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU:** Nyota knows how to keep a secret.

**OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO, WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO IT?:** Chris—she hasn't spoken to me since she found out I was responsible for putting the mistletoe above Spock’s door.

**Next: Areel Shaw**


	2. Getting to Know: Areel Shaw of "Court Martial"

**GETTING TO KNOW - Areel Shaw of “Court Martial”**

 

 **NAME:** Lt. Commander Areel Shaw, esq. JAG, STARFLEET.

 **SEX:** A woman honey—but that won’t stop me from breaking your balls if I have to.

 **HOME:** I’m most at home in the courtroom.

 **HEIGHT:** 5’5—which makes me short enough for Jim to lean down when he kisses me. He likes that.

 **EYES** : Steely blue.

 **HAIR:** Blonde but businesslike.

 **WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE TV SHOW?** : _Law and Order: Special Starbase Unit_.

 **WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?** Do you mean my PADD?: The latest articles from _VSA Law Review_ , _Harvard_ _Intergalactic Law Journal_ —Hell where did this subscription to _Temple Law Review_ come from? Oh—and legal memos galore from that new Summer Associate of mine.

 **FAVOURITE MAGAZINE:** _See_ , supra.

 **FAVOURITE SMELL:** The sweat of the opposing counsel.

 **WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD** : Almost winning that case and ruining Jim’s career.

 **BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD:** Nailing Ben Finney to the wall. Cogley was crazy to think I’d plead’m.

 **THINGS TO DO ON THE WEEKENDS:** Read law review articles, shepardize cases, draft legal memos and briefs, research case law. What do you mean what do I do for fun?

 **FAVOURITE SOUNDTRACK:** _Jaws_

 **WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OF WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING?:** God I love my job!

 **DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS?:** Only when Cogley’s around. If he used computers more to keep up with case law, he wouldn’t waste the court’s time with fruitless motions.

 **ROLLER COASTERS DEADLY OR EXCITING?:** Boring.

 **PEN OR PENCIL?:** Who do you think I am? Cogley? I don’t mess with that antiquated shit.

 **HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?:** That’s what the secretary’s for. I didn’t spend three years of hell in law school to answer the Com.

 **FAVOURITE FOODS:** Anything I can tear to shreds and chew.

 **DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?:** Dad’s proud as hell. Mom wants me to quit Starfleet and settle down. Mothers!

 **HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME?:** Honey—I do the convicting.

 **CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?:** I can argue either way.

 **CROUTONS OR BACON BITS?:** I can argue either way.

 **DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?:** Yes—I like being in the driver’s seat—that’s why I’m a prosecutor.

 **DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS?:** No thanks—I have to argue in front of enough of them. I don’t want to go to bed with one.

 **IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY KIND OF PET, WHAT WOULD IT BE?:** A doberman.

 **IF YOU COULD BE ANY TYPE OF ANIMAL WHAT WOULD YOU BE?:** A pit bull.

 **THUNDERSTORMS, COOL OR SCARY?:** Cool—you know I’m not exactly above creating my own thunder and lightning ;)

 **IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?:** Vincent Bugliosi. And Clarence Darrow would be interesting—always good to learn from the enemy.

 **FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK:** Screwdriver.

 **WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?:** Libra.

 **EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?:** Well there’s nothing I won’t chew over.

 **GIRLS—WOULD YOU EVER ASK A GUY FOR HIS SHIRT?:** I don’t ask. Once I’m through with’m they’re lucky to have the shirt left on their back.

 **IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?:** I already have the best job in the world.

 **IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOUR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?:** I like myself just the way I am thank you.

 **IF YOU COULD HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT AND WHERE WOULD IT BE?:** “Lock’m Up and Throw Away the Key” across my fist.

 **HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?:** More than once. But I have to admit that of all of them, I still have a soft spot for Jim.

 **DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING:** Who the hell needs to get married?

 **WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?:** Nothing. I never spend any time there.

 **IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?:** I can argue either way.

 **WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SNAPPLE?:** I can make an argument for any of them.

 **ARE YOU A RIGHTY, LEFTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS?:** Ambidextrous.

 **DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?:** Honey I always know what buttons to push.

 **IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?:** A trowel

 **WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED?:** Files.

 **WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE NUMBER?:** I can make an argument for any of them.

 **WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?:** I don’t remember my first car. But I can tell you about my first case.

 **WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR?:** I’ll take any vehicle that’ll get me where I want to go.

 **FAVOURITE SPORT TO WATCH?:** Tennis.

 **SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU:** The Brat sure has done better than I have at balancing love and career. She’s a gal after my own heart.

 **OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO, WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO IT?:** Samuel T. Cogley. He’s still sulking because I ruined his winning streak.

 

* * *

 

 **Note:** The "Brat" is Jungle Kitty's Suzanne Brandt, an OFC she pairs with Kirk--the Original "Getting to Know Yous" she and Wildcat started featured her.

**Next: Hikaru Sulu**


	3. Getting to Know: Hikaru Sulu

**GETTING TO KNOW—Hikaru Sulu**

 

 **NAME:** Hikaru Sulu aka “Sunny”

 **SEX:** Plenty, thank you.

 **HOME:** The Enterprise for now—but someday I’m getting a ship of my own.

 **HEIGHT:** Don’t call me tiny.

 **EYES:** Wicked flashing dark eyes.

 **HAIR:** Black as the void.

 **WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE TV SHOW?:** _Galaxy Quest_.

 **WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?** : Huh?

 **FAVOURITE MAGAZINE:** _Starship and Driver_.

 **FAVOURITE SMELL:** Uhura’s perfume.

 **WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD:** Being chased by a Samurai.

 **BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD:** Chasing Lieutenant Uhura—although if she let me catch her that would be even better.

 **THINGS TO DO ON THE WEEKENDS:** Sex, fencing, Sex, a little gardening. Sex…

 **FAVOURITE SOUNDTRACK:** The tape I made of Uhura singing “Beyond Antares.”

 **WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OF WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING?:** Sex.

 **DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS?:** Only when the ship gets tossed from side to side because of one of the fool stunts I’m ordered to put the Enterprise through.

 **ROLLER COASTERS DEADLY OR EXCITING?:** Boring. After serving under Captain Kirk it takes a lot more than an amusement park ride to get my heart rate up.

 **PEN OR PENCIL?:** Pencil—I like being able to erase my mistakes.

 **HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?:** Hey, Nyota can you get that?

 **FAVOURITE FOODS:** A California roll. What did you expect sushi? I’m not that ethnic. Chekov’s the one with that shtick.

 **DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?:** My mom loves me best.

 **HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME?:** Who me? Mister sweetness and light?

 **CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?:** Can I have some more choices—that sounds boring.

 **CROUTONS OR BACON BITS?:** Both—I don’t see any reason to choose.

 **DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?:** Yes—although I’d prefer the center seat to the helm.

 **DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS?:** Ewww. I don’t go for girly stuff.

 **IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY KIND OF PET, WHAT WOULD IT BE?:** Uhura would do nicely. Ouch. Ouch. Ok, now I got the girls mad.

 **IF YOU COULD BE ANY TYPE OF ANIMAL WHAT WOULD YOU BE?:** A tribble. Then I might finally get Uhura to pet me.

 **THUNDERSTORMS, COOL OR SCARY?:** _Yawn_.

 **IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?:** D’Artagnan. OK so I know he’s only a fictional character. You do know that’s what I am?

 **FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK:** Beer. No it’s not Saki—I’m from California—not Japan. I mean if I were really so Japanese would there be an “L” in my name?

 **WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?:** Oh, Puleezzze. Is there anyone who still believes in that nonsense? This is the 23rd Century!

 **EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?:** Yes—mom always made me eat all my vegetables. She said it would make me tall and brawny. _Sigh_.

 **GUYS—WOULD YOU EVER ASK A GIRL FOR HER SHIRT?:** I’m a little more subtle than that. But believe me we eventually get there…

 **IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?:** Starship Captain.

 **IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOUR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?:** Thanks but I’m over the purple hair punk stage I went through as a teenager.

 **IF YOU COULD HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT AND WHERE WOULD IT BE?:** “So many woman so little time” in the er…appropriate place.

 **HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?:** Only with every woman on the crew. Love those miniskirts!

 **DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING:** Eventually maybe—but right now I’m having too much fun to try to envision it.

 **WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?:** My weapons collection.

 **IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?:** Half full. On this ship you better be an optimist—Captain’s orders.

 **WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SNAPPLE?:** All and any—I’m an equal opportunity drinker…

 **ARE YOU A RIGHTY, LEFTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS?:** Ambidextrous.

 **DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?:** Of course! I’m a master at any instrument.

 **IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?:** A rake.

 **WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED?:** Chekov—he’s hiding from the Captain.

 **WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE NUMBER?:** Infinity and beyond.

 **WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?:** A _Galaxy 3000_. Sigh. That was my idea of power when I was a teenager.

 **WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR?:** The _Enterprise_.

 **FAVOURITE SPORT TO WATCH?:** Fencing.

 **SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU:** Janice knows how to make even a plant purr.

 **OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO, WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO IT:** Nyota. She’s still sulking. Jeez, it wasn’t my fault what the Mirror Sulu did!

 

**The End**


End file.
